She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
worst night to have a conscience
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
