so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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