So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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