it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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