I'm jealous of your bromance
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Randomize
