I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
