Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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