im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
