Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
