I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I think people are normalizing furries
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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