...so i touched it.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
