Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
