i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
