If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
