I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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