I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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