i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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