If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
