At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
