Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
