under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
