its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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