oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
