Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
