20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
