I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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