i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
