So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Randomize
