my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
