Pregnant stripper...not hot.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i would punch a child for taco bell
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
