and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
