it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
