i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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