Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
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