Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
