Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
tonight lets celebrate not being married
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
