I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
