mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
just come out here and I will go home with you...
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He has the fingertips of a God
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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