i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
