3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
That's intense
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
