I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
