did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
