so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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