Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
