Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My feet surprised me
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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