you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
