ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
