i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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