There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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