I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
